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Fall thoughts

I'm sitting in the apartment listening to the beat of Korean drums outside my window. There's quite the parade going on. Floats and bright dresses and waving stewardesses. Ha! This is why I love New York. I called Kris (the lover of all things Korean) to tell her. I'm sure they were playing Seventy-six trombones at the beginning. Oh...now it's Yankee Doodle Dandee.

My cousin Lizzy is in town for the weekend on a school trip. Really looking forward to spending time with her today!

I have no idea how many people read this blog but I figured I'd give a little update on life. Over the last three months I have felt strongly that the Lord desires me to pursue counseling as a vocation. It has been such a joy to be able to walk in confidence to this end. I am continually reminded that ministry is not a chosen career path - it is a way of life. I am not able to change people myself, I simply point them to the cross.

The Lord gave me a really cool tangible visual last month. It's a picture of Secular Psychology versus Biblical Counseling. Psych (without Christ) is like a band-aid in that it does indeed help, but the help is temporary - it does not address the root of the problem. Biblical Counseling however, is like surgery. It hurts more and takes more time, but it addresses the real problem (sin) and works to bring it to light (through the Truth of the Word) so that the Lord can deal with it.

That said, I am seriously considering getting my MA in Biblical Counseling in the fall. I am researching Westminster in PA, The Master's near Los Angeles, and Faith Baptist Church in Lafayette, Indiana.

Please pray with me that the Lord would make it clear what he has in store. I am so blessed to have a peace about finally pursuing something concrete.

Off to see Liz! May you agree with God in all things today!

And the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters...

The alarm sounded at 4:50...it was the middle of the night. I hadn't undressed from the evening before. Moccasins and all, I had crawled into bed after the House dance party. This was it - the last QEI initiation morning. We waited for the train. And waited. Train. We walked toward the water - a black night slowly, slowly, fading into morning bliss. The city was alive, yet still. The cold wind cut right through me. I was naked and exposed before a God I have loved with my lips but removed from the position of Lover.

I know in my head that I have to seek You.
I must. I must.
Oh, God.
I do the things I don't want to do and the things I want to do, I don't do.
I am so human.

Want Jesus. Want Jesus for who He is - because He is Love. Because He is Peace. Because He is Joy.

The waters were dark and they were deep. I felt drawn in and down and away from it all at the same time.

My God. You want all of me. Every corner and crevice and corridor and dungeon deep and steeple exalted. I am a castle with walls high but not thick. The musk of Your Spirit still fills the hollowed halls...lingering.

Manna

Daily Bread. Sigh. The Lord has been teaching me about contentment lately. I have to say that it is not the easiest lesson I have even learned - nor is it the most difficult. Often, I find myself wishing for yesterday and wanting tomorrow. I know that both these things (within reason) are a waste of time. Life today - in the here and now is what we are called to. Does this mean we stop making plans? No. But, it does mean that we hold things with an open hand a bit more that we would like to. How often I want to clutch the things I desire, the things I value, as if I could never let them go? This clutching is motivated by fear. Fear is not of the Lord. What would happen if I lived my life as if the living God-man of Jesus Christ was really my all in all, my total sufficiency, my bread? I would probably begin to realize, even if ever so slightly, that it is just not about me. It's about joy in the midst of pain. It's about joy in the midst of triumphs. It's about "being third." Oh how I desire to be content. What blessings, what kindness the Father has lavished on us, that we may be called sons and daughters of God. This still gets me...almost 20 years after asking Christ into my heart. As it should. And may it always. He, He Himself is our Daily Bread.

I Chased

Wind in the willows Ye bayed and howled
and like a coon dog out on the prowl I caught Your scent and chased You down down down through the valleys up up o'er the mountain pass
I caught Your scent and chased you down

I boarded a ship alone next morn and sailed - I sailed Your way that day
I ventured off to unknown lands - You had swept me away
I reached Your shore; that courageous land
And I chased You 'cross the moor

I found You there, Your scent come o'er the sea.
You settled in for the evening time,
Your head upon the willow tree.

A Little Mountain Wedding

Just got back to the city from Colorado. Britt and Aaron got hitched after being together for five years! Praise the Lord! I was reminded again of the beautiful picture marriage is for us as the bride of Christ. We are to be waiting in anticipation for the day our groom will come and escort us home to be with Him. Britt and Aaron have such a selfless love for one another and for the people around them. It was such a joy to be there and celebrate with them this weekend! I could not have asked for a better trip! Spent time with Mom and Dad, caught up with old friends, made some stellar new ones, danced, ate good food, drank good (home brewed) beer, breathed the cool mountain air, and thanked the Lord for dear friends finding eachother. Amen!! B and A, may the Lord bless you both as you make Him the priority of your hearts.

Heritage - A favorite poem

I am a seamstress in Munich,
And a farmer on the moor.
A voyage across the sea,
And a landing on the shore.

I am a woman red
Stripping husks of corn.
With blackened hair and broken braids,
Hands deep-cracked and worn.

I am a glass of chardonnay
And grapes grown up a vine.
An old church on the highway,
Just past the city sign.

I am a little black comb
And a simple wedding dress,
A father taken early,
And a mother knowing best.

I am the hot Texas sun,
And a gentle winter snow.
A road winding, winding,
A road curving, bending, binding.

I am a road that does not end,
And does not rhyme.
I am that road,
That road of time.

Purpose, Will, Calling

Recently (in the last five to ten years), there has been quite a buzz about "purpose." What is purpose and how do we know what it is? Am I fulfilling my purpose? I think there's a difference between purpose and calling. Everyone has the same purpose - whether or not they realize it and pursue it. We all exist to glorify God - that is our purpose. Seeing that truth come to fruition may appear differently (on a practical level) in different people's lives - but man's fundamental purpose is undeniably universal. Calling is that practical outworking of purpose - the HOW of purpose fulfillment.

Often I think we as Christians spend too much time trying to "figure out our calling" or following "ten easy steps to discovering our purpose" instead of doing the things we KNOW are the will of God for His followers. Would you rather "be called" to a life of comfort instead of a life of service? The heart of God is laid out for us in His Word. How amazing that we can know Him in this way.

So, what do we know we ought to do? Christ followers are called to many things...a few come to mind:

*love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind
*love your neighbor as yourself
*care for orphans and widows
*give with a cheerful heart
*submit to rulers and authorites
*draw near to the throne of grace
*exhort one another
*keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace
*ask for wisdom
*count it all joy when you face trials
*show no partiality
*guard your heart
*draw near to God
*use gifts to edify the church
*do not be overcome by evil
*put on the full armor of God
*do not be anxious
*do not be afraid
*give thanks always
*submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
*honor your parents
*love your enemies
*forgive one another
*do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus


The life Jesus calls us to is radical. It is HARD. Everything within us wants to serve ourselves. In the book, Intruments in the Redeemer's Hands, Paul David Tripp says that we really pray, "my will be done" instead of "thy will be done." I am guilty of this. I want to be king. This self-love is the most practical and prevelant form of idolatry in the 21st century.

These are a few verses that come to mind which specify what the "will of God" is.

1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your holiness: that you abstain from sexual imorality

1 Thessalonians 5:12-22
We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast to what is good. Abstain from every form of evil

See Colossians 3:12-17 for a full picture of what a disciple of Christ looks like. The charge in this passage is insane! We have been called to such a high standard. We have been called out of darkness (Col. 1:13-14) and into a new way of living.

I am humbled knowing that the Creator of the universe desires the redemption of my heart - AND has made a way for this to happen. Wow.

Because our lives are not our own, may we be quick to love others this way:

"Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
-Proverbs 31:8-9

Let's PUT ON LOVE together

Sabbath

Spent much of the day today getting the apartment in order. It feels great to have things put away! I do have a bit of homework to do tomorrow - which is a bummer since I wanted to have a Sabbath. I suppose I need to figure out what that really looks like. I think it means resting in ways that bring life. It means reading my Bible, praying, walking, drawing, reading books that have nothing to do with school, writing notes of encouragement to friends and family, and talking with those I love. I want to be sure to find a balance between resting and doing. I am no good at it yet...but I'm going to attempt this new lifestyle and way of thinking.

Da Bode

Just a few pictures of a place I really do miss...

Missing

I have missed. Most often I miss places I've been and people I've been with, smells and sights and moments I will never get back...but sometimes, I miss things that have never been - and may never be.

I miss running on a cool summer evening down by the ocean. I miss sailing the Mediterranean as the sun rises. I miss the smell of rice and curry filling my nostrils as I stroll the streets of India. I miss watching children dance and sing in Kiev. I miss my older brother. I miss a life before television. I miss 20 cent gasoline. I miss the old farm in Maine, and my horse, Lightning. I miss the top of a mountain peak in Peru. I miss the audible sound of HIS voice. I miss getting up with the sun. I miss stringing homemade necklaces in a hut in Kenya. I miss my breath being taken away as I gaze out over the cliffs of Ireland. I miss telling the man without a leg who sits on 33rd and Broadway about Jesus. I miss dancing the foxtrot at a dinner party. I miss baking a pie from scratch. I miss learning how to sing.

Home again

Back in NYC - already thinking about so many opportunities for service and ministry this coming year. Must sleep first. Hello, New York. I have missed you so!

Youth and Culture - A Call to Parents

I went to a radio taping the other day. Some pretty big names gathered around the table to discuss 'youth culture' today. Hank Hanegraaff (also known as the "Bible Answer Man"), Alex McFarland, Lee Strobel, Mark Middleburg, and Ryan Dobson sat down with John Fuller to explore the idea of 'helping parents and kids think biblically.'

This may be a bit muddled - just trying to compile from the notes I took.

They wondered aloud if being a teenager today is more difficult than in the past. With the access to the vast array of media today, kids are being bombarded by images that call them to a standard of living quite contrary to the standard God calls them to in His Word. Technology is a tool. All tools can be used for good or for evil - they are not good or evil in and of themselves. They addressed celebrity culture and our obsession with reality t.v., they talked about the classic "the magazines aren't real - everyone is airbrushed" case. Ryan Dobson said at one point, "The girl in the picture is always trying to be the girl in the picture." Interesting. At the end of the day, we are all very very human. We want acceptance, significance, and security.

Are parents providing a home enviornment where these things are fostered and encouraged? I wondered to myself, "are parents casting a biblical vision of life for their children?" What does this look like? Teens look to their parents. Parents, how are you spending your time? How are you spending your money? What do your kids think you value - not based on what you say you value, but on what your actions say you value?

At the end of the day, kids want accountability. They want role models. They want discipleship. They want to be pursued. They want to know someone cares. Parents, stop being your kids friend. Be their Mom. Be their Dad. Stop entertaining and start teaching the Truth. Don't know all the answers? That's okay - find a way for you and your teen to ask the important questions and seek the answers together. Find a way to make holiness a part of your lives. Ryan said it best, "Give (these kids) the things that the world canNOT give them." The things of the world do not satisfy. Give your kids the one thing that lasts - an understanding of who the God-man Jesus Christ is. Parents, treat raising your children up in the ways of the Lord as a full time job. You have the time. Hank Hanegraaff rightly commented, "It is not a matter of time, it is a matter of priority." So turn off the televison. Get off your iphone. Shut down the computer. Read a book together. Spend time outside. Cook a meal so Mom doesn't have to. Create a safe place for your kids to ask questions. If they aren't asking you, they are asking someone else. Lee Strobel rightly said, "If you abdicate your role as a parent, assume the worst." Parents, pray for your kids. They (we) need it. (Thank you, Alex for being the one to talk about the importance of being on your knees on behalf of your children).

Josh McDowell summed it up best when he said, "Rules without relationship breeds rebellion."

Relationships matter. We were made for community. We were made to love one another.

Thanks, guys for a great discussion!

Strawberry!

Just a little family pic. Lovin a good 'ol Colorado summer!

Who do you love?

John Mayer. Who knew he could speak Truth into my life? In "I Don't Trust Myself" he asks, "Who do you love, me or the thought of me?" While I have most often thought of this question in light of male female relationships, I thought about it differently tonight.

I just said goodbye to my best friend, Kelsey. She and her husband are moving to Hawaii in two days to be youth pastors. The call God has placed on their lives is unreal - it is powerful and beautiful - a testimony to anyone who sees it. I am filled with Joy when I think of the amazing things my friends are doing all over the world! Megs and Lindz are in Thailand ministering to women who have been invloved in the sex-trafficking industry. Steph is in Austin - getting submerged in a new community. Lydia just returned from India and is moving to NYC (yay!) this next week. Brit is down in SoCo at the dunes...prepping to marry the red head here in a couple weeks. Ali and Kory are preparing their hearts for marriage and full-time ministry in South Bend. In the midst of these incredible stories, I have to ask myself the question, "Who do you love?" I have to ask because it seems easy to serve a God who is moving in the lives of dear friends. But what happens when God is silent? What happens when He is still? What happens when He allows a storm?

Who do I love?

It seems like a simple-enough question. I love Jesus. But when I really dig in and examine the corners of my heart (and listen to the rest of John Mayer's ballad) I find that I also have to ask, "Me or the thought of me?"

Do I love Jesus for Jesus or do I sometimes love the "thought of Him?"

Ouch. That hurts.

I have been thinking about this idea in a broad sense since September of last year. Professor Lockett spoke at our Fall Retreat in upstate NY. As always, his words were encouraging yet convicting. He asked us if we want Jesus because He gives us Hope and Joy and Peace...or if we desire the Lord because He IS those things. Am I using Jesus as a means to an end...or is He my end in and of Himself?

Do I love the thought of the power of God falling on people, and lives being transformed, and seeing just a glimpse of God's glory and only beginning to understand how sinful I am in light of it beacause I know I "ought" to be jazzed about those things...or do I really love these things because they are my Saviour at work...because Jesus is Hope and Joy and Peace?

My prayer is that it is the latter.

When the Lord asks, "Me or the thought of me, Kels? Who do you love?" I want to answer with great Joy, "You, my Lord. You and You alone."

Exhortation vs. Judgment

About a year and a half ago I started thinking about how my generation is so quick to become defensive when confronted. We seem to have this mentality of always being right. When I would get especially sassy or dogmatic my Mom would say, "Oh, to be (insert whatever age I was at the time) and know everything!" I laugh at this now but I think my response points to a larger issue. We are self-lovers. We are glory-thieves (term taken from Paul David Tripp's book Instrument’s in the Redeemer’s Hands). We step in and claim the glory meant for Jesus for ourselves.



I know we have all heard people say, "Don't judge me." Maybe we've even said it ourselves. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to sharpen and encourage others in the body of believers. Too often we confuse judgment with exhortation.

After many talks over the preceding months, mostly stemming from conversations with Steph, I have come to this conclusion: If you are judging someone, it costs you nothing. If you are exhorting, it costs you dearly.



To judge is to wag a finger - to point out the flaws in another's life - to stand at a distance and mock. To exhort is to come along side - to bear the burden a brother or sister is carrying - to call them to a higher standard; to the better life Jesus talks about in John chapter 10.



Satan comes to mock and speak words of death. The Holy Spirit of God comes to encourage and speak words of life. The Holy Spirit (through Paul) calls us to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." If we have this idea that no one has a right to call us out on sin in our lives, we are misunderstanding God's call to be holy - to be like Him. The process is delicate and requires not only discernment but a humble spirit. May we live in a way that puts flesh and bones and blood on the God-man of Jesus Christ. This is how the world will know we belong to Him.

The beginning...

Here I am...blogging. A single thought to begin with:

God properly equips those He calls