The alarm sounded at 4:50...it was the middle of the night. I hadn't undressed from the evening before. Moccasins and all, I had crawled into bed after the House dance party. This was it - the last QEI initiation morning. We waited for the train. And waited. Train. We walked toward the water - a black night slowly, slowly, fading into morning bliss. The city was alive, yet still. The cold wind cut right through me. I was naked and exposed before a God I have loved with my lips but removed from the position of Lover.
I know in my head that I have to seek You.
I must. I must.
Oh, God.
I do the things I don't want to do and the things I want to do, I don't do.
I am so human.
Want Jesus. Want Jesus for who He is - because He is Love. Because He is Peace. Because He is Joy.
The waters were dark and they were deep. I felt drawn in and down and away from it all at the same time.
My God. You want all of me. Every corner and crevice and corridor and dungeon deep and steeple exalted. I am a castle with walls high but not thick. The musk of Your Spirit still fills the hollowed halls...lingering.
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