And the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters...

The alarm sounded at 4:50...it was the middle of the night. I hadn't undressed from the evening before. Moccasins and all, I had crawled into bed after the House dance party. This was it - the last QEI initiation morning. We waited for the train. And waited. Train. We walked toward the water - a black night slowly, slowly, fading into morning bliss. The city was alive, yet still. The cold wind cut right through me. I was naked and exposed before a God I have loved with my lips but removed from the position of Lover.

I know in my head that I have to seek You.
I must. I must.
Oh, God.
I do the things I don't want to do and the things I want to do, I don't do.
I am so human.

Want Jesus. Want Jesus for who He is - because He is Love. Because He is Peace. Because He is Joy.

The waters were dark and they were deep. I felt drawn in and down and away from it all at the same time.

My God. You want all of me. Every corner and crevice and corridor and dungeon deep and steeple exalted. I am a castle with walls high but not thick. The musk of Your Spirit still fills the hollowed halls...lingering.

Manna

Daily Bread. Sigh. The Lord has been teaching me about contentment lately. I have to say that it is not the easiest lesson I have even learned - nor is it the most difficult. Often, I find myself wishing for yesterday and wanting tomorrow. I know that both these things (within reason) are a waste of time. Life today - in the here and now is what we are called to. Does this mean we stop making plans? No. But, it does mean that we hold things with an open hand a bit more that we would like to. How often I want to clutch the things I desire, the things I value, as if I could never let them go? This clutching is motivated by fear. Fear is not of the Lord. What would happen if I lived my life as if the living God-man of Jesus Christ was really my all in all, my total sufficiency, my bread? I would probably begin to realize, even if ever so slightly, that it is just not about me. It's about joy in the midst of pain. It's about joy in the midst of triumphs. It's about "being third." Oh how I desire to be content. What blessings, what kindness the Father has lavished on us, that we may be called sons and daughters of God. This still gets me...almost 20 years after asking Christ into my heart. As it should. And may it always. He, He Himself is our Daily Bread.

I Chased

Wind in the willows Ye bayed and howled
and like a coon dog out on the prowl I caught Your scent and chased You down down down through the valleys up up o'er the mountain pass
I caught Your scent and chased you down

I boarded a ship alone next morn and sailed - I sailed Your way that day
I ventured off to unknown lands - You had swept me away
I reached Your shore; that courageous land
And I chased You 'cross the moor

I found You there, Your scent come o'er the sea.
You settled in for the evening time,
Your head upon the willow tree.

A Little Mountain Wedding

Just got back to the city from Colorado. Britt and Aaron got hitched after being together for five years! Praise the Lord! I was reminded again of the beautiful picture marriage is for us as the bride of Christ. We are to be waiting in anticipation for the day our groom will come and escort us home to be with Him. Britt and Aaron have such a selfless love for one another and for the people around them. It was such a joy to be there and celebrate with them this weekend! I could not have asked for a better trip! Spent time with Mom and Dad, caught up with old friends, made some stellar new ones, danced, ate good food, drank good (home brewed) beer, breathed the cool mountain air, and thanked the Lord for dear friends finding eachother. Amen!! B and A, may the Lord bless you both as you make Him the priority of your hearts.

Heritage - A favorite poem

I am a seamstress in Munich,
And a farmer on the moor.
A voyage across the sea,
And a landing on the shore.

I am a woman red
Stripping husks of corn.
With blackened hair and broken braids,
Hands deep-cracked and worn.

I am a glass of chardonnay
And grapes grown up a vine.
An old church on the highway,
Just past the city sign.

I am a little black comb
And a simple wedding dress,
A father taken early,
And a mother knowing best.

I am the hot Texas sun,
And a gentle winter snow.
A road winding, winding,
A road curving, bending, binding.

I am a road that does not end,
And does not rhyme.
I am that road,
That road of time.

Purpose, Will, Calling

Recently (in the last five to ten years), there has been quite a buzz about "purpose." What is purpose and how do we know what it is? Am I fulfilling my purpose? I think there's a difference between purpose and calling. Everyone has the same purpose - whether or not they realize it and pursue it. We all exist to glorify God - that is our purpose. Seeing that truth come to fruition may appear differently (on a practical level) in different people's lives - but man's fundamental purpose is undeniably universal. Calling is that practical outworking of purpose - the HOW of purpose fulfillment.

Often I think we as Christians spend too much time trying to "figure out our calling" or following "ten easy steps to discovering our purpose" instead of doing the things we KNOW are the will of God for His followers. Would you rather "be called" to a life of comfort instead of a life of service? The heart of God is laid out for us in His Word. How amazing that we can know Him in this way.

So, what do we know we ought to do? Christ followers are called to many things...a few come to mind:

*love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind
*love your neighbor as yourself
*care for orphans and widows
*give with a cheerful heart
*submit to rulers and authorites
*draw near to the throne of grace
*exhort one another
*keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace
*ask for wisdom
*count it all joy when you face trials
*show no partiality
*guard your heart
*draw near to God
*use gifts to edify the church
*do not be overcome by evil
*put on the full armor of God
*do not be anxious
*do not be afraid
*give thanks always
*submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
*honor your parents
*love your enemies
*forgive one another
*do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus


The life Jesus calls us to is radical. It is HARD. Everything within us wants to serve ourselves. In the book, Intruments in the Redeemer's Hands, Paul David Tripp says that we really pray, "my will be done" instead of "thy will be done." I am guilty of this. I want to be king. This self-love is the most practical and prevelant form of idolatry in the 21st century.

These are a few verses that come to mind which specify what the "will of God" is.

1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your holiness: that you abstain from sexual imorality

1 Thessalonians 5:12-22
We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast to what is good. Abstain from every form of evil

See Colossians 3:12-17 for a full picture of what a disciple of Christ looks like. The charge in this passage is insane! We have been called to such a high standard. We have been called out of darkness (Col. 1:13-14) and into a new way of living.

I am humbled knowing that the Creator of the universe desires the redemption of my heart - AND has made a way for this to happen. Wow.

Because our lives are not our own, may we be quick to love others this way:

"Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
-Proverbs 31:8-9

Let's PUT ON LOVE together

Sabbath

Spent much of the day today getting the apartment in order. It feels great to have things put away! I do have a bit of homework to do tomorrow - which is a bummer since I wanted to have a Sabbath. I suppose I need to figure out what that really looks like. I think it means resting in ways that bring life. It means reading my Bible, praying, walking, drawing, reading books that have nothing to do with school, writing notes of encouragement to friends and family, and talking with those I love. I want to be sure to find a balance between resting and doing. I am no good at it yet...but I'm going to attempt this new lifestyle and way of thinking.